December 29th, 2008
It’s nearly 2009 and I feel so much and so little has happened this year.
This is the first year I was not hospitalized since before I turned fifteen. I never even came close to it despite one slight downturn over the summer. So slight I nearly forgot to mention it to the doctor. I’m back to seeing him every three months instead of every month.
It’s funny. It’s not through my own doing that I’m well or not well. It’s just medication, nothing more, nothing less. I’ve accepted it’s a chemical imbalance and not something I can force myself out of. Not that I’m helpless. I just don’t know how to word it. Responsible for my behavior but unable to stop the feelings that motivate that behavior is the closest I can come to it.
This is also the year where I end my career at my current school. I’m planning on further schooling but in a field not related to my major (Creative Writing). I love to write but I don’t feel I have the drive or desire to make myself write every day. It would become a chore and I also don’t think I’d make much money as a short story writer and poet.
My cumulative GPA is 3.455. Not fantastically high but not the 3.2-something of two or three years ago. I looked over my grades and I did terribly in the more science/psychology-oriented classes which is funny considering I used to be a psychology major. I hate statistics.
Well, a happy new year to you all! I hope your year has been as good (at least, decent) as mine has been.
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Gel Angelica Ivy jhoana Regina Gabrielle Tags: health, holiday, school, writing
Posted in personal, school | 10 Comments »
December 24th, 2008
Merry Christmas to you all! It’s still a day early but I’m probably not going to blog tomorrow.
I finished wrapping presents today. I’m such a procrastinator.
I’m thinking of delaying graduation to May so my parents can see me walk. I’m not sure if a delay is possible this late, though. I just want to give my parents something since they did help me through university and helped me get this far. Without them I’m sure I would not have gotten here.
If I can’t delay it, I can’t delay it.
I went to Vegas for two days. It was so much colder than the other times I’ve gone. There was snow on the sides of the roads on the way there. However, it was pretty nice. I didn’t drink much (to my friend’s chagrin) or gamble. I got a cute bag and matching wallet. The bag was my Christmas present and I got the wallet myself. 
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Trina Angelica Lyann Gabrielle Gel Ivy Chester Tags: graduation, holiday, personal, school
Posted in personal, school | 15 Comments »
December 19th, 2008
I finished my last class of my university career on Wednesday! Been extremely busy since then so didn’t get a chance to blog about it. I’m so excited! I’m not going to walk since that means waiting until May but I am going to (probably) get approved for graduation if I pass all my classes.
I can’t believe it. Finally going to be a university graduate. Took me longer than I’d hoped but understandable because of all of my hospitalizations and everything.
The professor lectured and it took about half an hour to get everything done and my brother was waiting outside in the rain because I thought it was only going to take five minutes. I’d invited him inside but he thought it’d only take a short time and when I went to look for him he wasn’t there.
Been busy the past few days. Met up with some friends from grade school yesterday. It was a really nice time, no awkwardness.
Almost forgot to say. I’m the proud owner of sleepwalking.nu. Haven’t set it up yet but I’m happy with the name. 
Tags: family, friends, graduation, school
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December 11th, 2008
Insomnia again. I’ve won three ‘free domains’ from Name Cheap through their contest. I’m content with this number and since it was a little stressful I’ve bowed out of the contest for now. Not that anybody would notice!
The semi-incestuous story and the rest of the portfolio was turned in today. Seven page essay, a 2591 word short story, my reading journal, my writing exercises, everything. I have one more class (a different one) and only just to turn in my final project. After that I should be a graduate! I really hope I don’t flub this up somehow, I keep getting worried.
I’m thinking of going into IT. I love writing scripts. I think with some schooling I might be worth employing. Perhaps. It’s a big leap for me since I keep going back and forth. Half a year I’d decided on it. A month later I’d decided against it again. I think it would be the best choice for me, though. The medical field is for my family, it’s not for me. I’d be rubbish at being a respiratory therapist. I don’t have steady hands so being a surgical tech would be a disaster. I feel that I should do what I love. I am worried that I will come to hate doing what I love because it becomes a job but I have to take that chance.
I need to edit ten pages of poetry for my final project. Not quite sure what I should do with them. I’m afraid they’re not good enough. I know they’re not good. Really, only a three to four page essay left to do. I can manage that in six days, right?
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Angelica Gabrielle Gel Tags: career, graduation, school, short story, writing
Posted in personal, school, writing | 4 Comments »
December 8th, 2008
Insomnia tonight. I feel wired and tense. When I don’t get sleep I start clenching my teeth and they start hurting within a few hours.
My semi-incestuous story is about 2580 words. Imagine that from the paltry less than a thousand it started at. It feels more complete, more story like. I’m pleased with it though I still feel it’s not the best it could be. I was talking with a classmate and her story also started off as fanfiction. I was pleasantly surprised and pleased. Since my original fanfiction had a rather OOC Peter Pevensie it was fairly easy to make him an original character. I’m glad I kept the archery aspect, archery is always something I’ve been fascinated with.
I won a ‘free domain’ from the Name Cheap contest over at Twitter. I have my eye on one, maybe if I win again I will get it (it’s a .nu). That would mean mean I have five domains. Yikes!
New smilies for this blog and I also have started reviewing some movies since I’ve been catching movies in theaters lately. Once it’s on DVD I rarely, if ever, watch anything. It’s terrible but I can’t concentrate and I don’t really have a DVD player hooked up to my screen (I use a flat screen TV as my computer screen).
Stressed. Graduation is so close I can almost taste it. Good news is that unless I royally fuck things up I should pass my classes. Also, my books have started arriving! 
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Gel Gabrielle Tags: domains, graduation, movies, short story, writing
Posted in personal, school, writing | 2 Comments »
November 26th, 2008
I went on my first book buying spree since spring! <3 I’m nearly done with the books I bought then and I bought all of these used. Everything under $5 (usually around $2.50) but shipping is killer.
I bought:
- Cloudstreet by Tim Winton
- Time’s Arrow by Martin Amis
- The Butcher Boy by Patrick McCabe
- The Dead Fish Museum: Stories by Charles D’Ambrosio
- Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan
- The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood
- The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
- Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
- The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle
- Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez
- The Talented Mr Ripley by Patricia Highsmith
I’m particularly interested in Patricia Highsmith’s novel because I’m currently reading The Cry of the Owl for school. Since she seems to be such a miserable writer and I’ve heard good things I’m interested in the book with the character I’m somewhat familiar with to start off.
This is the highlight of what has been a busy and stressful month.
I started the editing of the semi-incestuous story during a break at school and really need to get back to it. I’ve added about 300 words and am about a page and a half in. Not quite sure if the editing is going to be enough to turn in but I want to turn it in anyway, even if I write a new story. I need to start thinking about the essay for my portfolio, I think I’m going to intersperse the editing process of the semi-incestous story in it.
I’m thinking about submitting some of the poetry I’ve written in the past two years to some literary magazines. Wish me luck if I decide to go through with it!
Last Commented By:
Kya Gabrielle Tags: books, writing
Posted in reading, writing | 2 Comments »
November 21st, 2008
Changing over the server has been taking up nearly all of my free time. I think I have finally gotten it right. I’m saving nearly $135 dollars a month. The old server company offered me the same server at a discount but even now I’d be saving nearly $60. It’s only well and good to move up if it’s strictly necessary and it doesn’t seem it will be. mod_evasive and mod_security have been the banes of my life the past few days but it seems to be moving smoothly now… have I spoken too soon?
We workshopped the semi-incestuous story last week and it got a pretty good reception. I also got some help from another individual online - desperately need to reply to that! I think that will be the story I want to revise first and foremost. I think it needs more work than the other story even though the ending is leaps and bounds better.
I desperately want to buy books. I’m nearly done with the stack of books I bought last spring and I know I could get good deals on them on the Internet. Shipping killed me last time and doubled the price tag. However, I will probably hold off until after Christmas. I want to read more Jeanette Winterson, I want to read Lolita, I want to read Cloudstreet, I want to read more poetry. I’ve moved away from poetry and that makes me sad.
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Kya Gabrielle Tags: books, server, short story, technical, writing
Posted in reading, technical, writing | 2 Comments »
November 10th, 2008
It’s funny. I spent most of last summer half in love with a friend of mine and a few days ago he approaches me with a question. One that shook me up. I don’t regret completely cutting off those feelings for him or making myself see him as only a friend. I just didn’t know how to respond because I used to be infatuated with him and couldn’t just brush him off as I’ve done with other men. I didn’t say, ‘No, been there, done that,’ but I couldn’t say yes, as tempting as it was. I don’t trust myself with a no strings attached relationship, especially with somebody I had deeper feelings for.
I’ve been thinking on expanding what I call the semi-incestuous story. I turned it in for workshopping but I wonder if it needs more of an ending, a high point to what really isn’t action filled. It was orginally a piece of fanfiction until I realized even though some details were right the characters were nothing like their counterparts in the original work. I did rewrite the last scene almost completely, added more clarification and small scenes, and did some edits. It feels incomplete, though. I just don’t know what to do with it or if I should just dump it in an unused folder on my computer and forget about it after it’s workshopped. The details and interactions feel right, the plot - or lack of it - don’t.
Forgetting about old writing is almost a hobby of mine. I put the writing away, come across it months or years later, and marvel at how terrible it is. I rarely find it within me to take a fresh approach to it. I think that’s a bad sign.
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Kya Heather Gabrielle Tags: relationships, short story, writing
Posted in personal, writing | 3 Comments »
October 24th, 2008
There’s not much to write about. I have an addiction to pinkberry. I know it’s not real frozen yogurt but can’t bring myself to care.
I find it a bit amusing to what lengths people will go to to fix poor grades. We got our first paper back from the professor and a 4.0 GPA student threw a snit fit. It was tense in that classroom! She apparently wanted to kill him, she was going to go to her counselor and the head of the English department. I’ll admit I put more effort into the paper than usual and managed to scrape by with a B but nobody got below a C. It’s not as if half the class failed. Still, if you’re going to follow through with a PhD in English you need good grades. I can understand the shock of getting a poor grade but don’t quite understand going so far as talking to the head of the English department when it was not entirely impossible to get an A. It was only difficult.
Entitlement issues? I have a 4.0 so it’s impossible for me to be anything but perfect issues? I’ll be happy to get my BA and move on, fuck the 4.0.
Maybe the lack of ambition is at the heart of my problems. I still don’t have a clear idea of what’s to come after I get my BA. I don’t want to go further in Creative Writing - MFA - because that leads to teaching and I have absolutely no interest in teaching.
Last Commented By:
Kya c/p
Gabrielle Tags: post-BA, school
Posted in school | 3 Comments »
September 27th, 2008
Twenty-five today. I made it past the unexpected twenty-one and swiftly made it to twenty-five. I feel old. Intellectually I know it’s not that old but when my sister’s friends view me as someone who should be sprouting white hair and have been married five times… yeah, it feels old.
I’m alive. That still surprises me. It would have been expected for me to die but I’m not. I think I’ll find myself repeating this at every milestone. I’m a quarter of a century, I’m going to graduate university (haha, so late it’s embarassing). I might just have a future.
I’m not sure where the road is leading me.
Moving on. School is proving challenging. About four hundred pages (it seems) of reading for the whole of next week. That’s just one class. I still don’t know what to expect.
I’ve been writing steadily. Prose instead of poetry. Not all with the same idea, the same characters, the same tone. I wrote a story about her and I keep sneaking around when I print it so that it will not be discovered. I know she would be very angry if she knew I wrote a story about her. It’s taken a story I know about her and created my own ideas, my own take, my own ending. It’s not the story, it’s a different carcass on the bones of something that has been secret and shameful. I wish I could do more with it, make it more successful.
Tags: personal, prose, school, writing
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